My husband Eric met my daughter, Coco on her first birthday. It was actually our first date and we took her to a local market night. It was pretty much love at first sight. For all of us.
After the date, we were inseparable. Eric came over most nights for dinner and would play with Coco while I cooked. He’d bring me flowers and pluck a rose out for her. He’d sneak her French fries when her health nut mommy wasn’t looking and introduced her to Saturday morning cartoons.
Somewhere along the line, he became her Daddy. We got married and time passed and there came a point when Coco wanted Eric to adopt her. We told her to wait and pray on it. She did. For a year. She came to us again, older and wiser now, and asked again for him to adopt her.
It just didn’t work out for a variety of reasons. Once, when she was particularly frustrated that we couldn’t make it happen yet, Eric told her, “A piece of paper won’t make you any more my daughter than you already are.” But still, she wanted that piece of paper.
Today, we finally got that piece of paper!
When we were in the adoption hearing, the judge reminded us that Coco would have “all the rights of a natural child,” and I smiled because in her Daddy’s eyes, she has always had all the rights. I felt a big squeeze in my heart in that moment and little pieces of our life flashed before my eyes as the judge continued to read the decree that made my little girl and my husband so happy and so proud.
And I’m so glad we got that piece of paper, because it meant so much to both of them. But I also couldn’t help but think of everything that piece of paper wouldn’t change. And of all the things that piece of paper didn’t do.
A piece of paper doesn’t teach you to ride your bike.
Or build sandcastles.
Or teach you how to dance before your first prom.
It doesn’t change your diaper and clean up your throw up and cry with you in doctor’s offices when you get scary news.
It doesn’t stay up all night on Christmas Eve putting toys together, and it doesn’t have backyard campouts with you.
A piece of paper doesn’t sell his surfboard so you can take dance classes and use his vacation days so you can go on field trips.
A piece of paper won’t come to all the parent-teacher conferences. It won’t show up for every single show you ever do and take tons of videos and generally embarrass you.
A piece of paper doesn’t stay up late waiting, pacing, and spying out the window when you’re getting dropped off from a date. It doesn’t threaten all the boys and give them menacing looks and teach you how to shoot a gun.
A piece of paper doesn’t sit in the stands of countless football stadiums surrounded by football dads and cheer way more loudly for his cheerleader than for the game.
A piece of paper doesn’t take you on road trips where you bond over music and laughter and making fun of the annoying things your mom does.
It doesn’t keep loving you through the heartbreak and moody days and I hate you! moments.
A piece of paper can declare a Father.
But it can’t make a Daddy.
Oh my gosh this is so wonderful! My dad raised me from the time I was three and when I became an adult I asked him to adopt me. Of course he agreed but I waited a while and then surprised him on Father’s Day at the courthouse with all the paperwork filed and the hearing scheduled. It was a wonderful day. Apparently he and my mom had talked about it frequently when I was a child but he said he did not want to disrupt my life and have my last name changed and kids question me at school so they just left it alone because as you said it wasn’t the piece of paper that made him my dad. This is so beautiful, I’m going to show it to him. He’s 81 now and I’m 49 but this will still touch him. Blessings to your family and to your husband.
Thank you, Angela 🙂 That is such a sweet story!
I love this! So true. There are so many things that a piece of paper cannot do. They mostly have to do with real life! Thanks, Angela.
Thank you Lane! It was so nice to see your beautiful face here 🙂
We are not new–been side by side with y’all since the beginning–
And yet–I am touched each time I see these pics–that reveal no doubt of a longtime love.
I’ve seen his quite apparent devotion materialized in a thousand different ways.
Heard the lilt in her little voice when she first claimed him, ‘Daddy’.
I am glad that you know now–what would have been grand to know then:
The best is yet to be.
One God surprise after another–
Your ability to plunk us down as we join you on your journey–sits right with me.
Ever proud of you, my Duck–
Thank you for this. And for being by our side since the beginning 🙂
I am a first time reader of your blog.This post made me cry.Amazing photos with great thoughts