We all have seasons in life when we don’t feel very sexy. It happens. After 18 years of marriage, I’ve found that it’s best not to dwell on how unsexy I feel, and instead, work to make myself feel sexy in spite of how tired, unattractive, or cranky I am feeling. Feeling sexy is about more than just being in the mood. It’s about enjoying your intimate times with your husband to the fullest. It’s about embracing a very real and important side of yourself.
When you find yourself feeling not very sexy, here are ten things you can try to get yourself in a sexy state of mind.
1. Find something pretty to wear that is flattering to your body shape, in a fabric you love. If you’re self-conscious about a certain part of your body, wear something that skims over it.
2. Use a special body wash or perfume that you only use when you want to get in the mood. Save this scent for special occasions with your man, and before you know it, the very smell of it will get you feeling sexy!
3. Stop comparing yourself to others. Most of us aren’t going to look like Victoria’s Secret models, so let the pressure of trying to look like that go. If it makes you feel any better they don’t actually look like that either. Enjoy the natural beauty God gave you and focus on your assets, not your flaws. And that leads us to number four…
4. Realize that your husband isn’t looking at your flaws. He’s just excited to get naked with you! Honestly. We women put way more pressure on ourselves than our men do. No need to bring everything you’re feeling insecure about to his attention. Fake confidence at first if that’s what it takes. He’ll find that far sexier than he will if you’re complaining about your latest wrinkle.
5. Get out of the house and go somewhere new with your husband. Try a new kind of food, go dancing, explore a new town, or get a hotel room. Do something out of the ordinary and forget the troubles of every day life for a few hours. It will be good for both of you. (Hint: Sign up for my newsletter and get a free eBook with 100 Date Night Ideas!)
6. Try an essential oil that is supposed to increase libido. Rose, Ylang Ylang, Fennel, and Jasmine are all listed as being helpful in increasing sex drive. Dilute some drops with coconut oil and give each other sexy massages!
7. Think about a sexy time in the past with your husband that you really enjoyed. Dwell on that memory a little bit and let the feelings arise again!
8. Listen to music that makes you want to move your body. What songs make you feel sexy? Make a playlist and listen to it during your intimate times.
9. Wear super sexy undergarments under your regular clothes. You’ll have a secret all day and your husband will be pleasantly surprised later on! Or, send him a photo of just a strap or a small detail that he’ll recognize, so that he can wait all day to get your clothes off!
10. Flirt with your husband! Send him a flirty photo, pat his behind when you walk by him, leave a mushy love note with a lipstick print in his lunch. Do whatever makes you feel like you did when you were first married!
Sometimes, feeling sexy can take a little bit of work. But it’s always worth it in the end!