I’ve always planned to write about this around Christmastime, when our family visits between 4-6 homes in two days. Despite intentional streamlining in the last few years, I am usually physically and emotionally exhausted that last week of December and in no mood to write a blog post about surviving the holidays with divorced extended families.
So this year I got around to writing this at Easter time, and now in June I’m finally posting it. Don’t judge.
The first week of April can be just as stressful as Christmas for our family. In seven days, we celebrate my nephew’s birthday, my mom’s birthday, my wedding anniversary, and my dad’s birthday.
Some years, like this one, Easter also falls in this week. Because none of our families are too keen to celebrate anything together (They all got divorced in the eighties, before it was cool to be a modern family and stay friends), we go from house to house and party to party and try to make no one feel less important than anyone else.
For a feeler like me, it can be almost too much. I often end up sick towards the end of big holidays. I only recently realized it is most likely because my body is just worn out from the stress.
This is not because any of these celebrations are unpleasant at all. Even happy gatherings can take a toll on an introvert. Add a dash of a few difficult family dynamics and I’m at risk for a total shut down.
One of my favorite things about getting older is becoming more aware of how things affect me, and facing things head on instead of just letting life happen to me. So, instead of getting sick three times a year around major holidays, I’ve come up with a few ways to survive and enjoy these extended family celebrations. Even the stressful ones.
I make sure I stay rooted in the Word.
Busy days usually tempt me to skip my Bible reading and prayer time. But that time is essential for me to make it through the day without snapping. God’s Word soothes my soul and encourages me, and has a way of showing me where I am falling short.
Oftentimes a verse I read that morning will pop in my head as I am getting annoyed with someone I love. Even if I am reading in the car, on the way to a party, I make sure I get God’s Word in my heart for the day ahead.
My kids are very used to seeing me reading my Bible in the front seat, and I used to feel guilty about this, thinking that if I was a really good Christian, I’d have been up at dawn to read and pray before the day began. But now I realize that they’re just seeing that their Mom needs God’s word and will get it wherever she can. And that’s not a bad thing.
I need down time.
I am introverted and three to four parties in a row would wear me out even if family wasn’t involved. I know now that I need to make sure I get some downtime in the midst of all this.
That means sometimes I have to say I’m ready to go home because I know I need some time in bed to watch Netflix or read before I fall asleep. Sometimes it means I give myself a little extra time to get ready in the morning and I blast music and let my mind wander. Whatever works.
Keep it simple.
I’ve learned this the hard way, after too many years of staying up, cooking until 3am, and then getting up early to face a day of house-hopping. It’s not worth it. There are times that I am able to do lots of from-scratch cooking and homemade gifts. But when we have four parties in one weekend, I’m going to allow myself to take the easy way out.
This Easter, when Shari’s Berries offered to send me some beautiful treats, I jumped at the chance. And guess what? No one cared that they weren’t homemade, and we all still had lovely visits together. In fact, having dessert made for me freed me up to come with some games for one of our family parties.
I made sure I told everyone that these cute brownie pops pictured above were hand-decorated. Then, when they were all impressed, I added, “But not by me!”
Sleep enough and eat well.
I am not one of those people that can get by on a few hours of sleep. I will get cranky, and eventually sick, if I get less than eight hours of sleep. It’s something I resent and am still accepting about myself. In addition to getting enough sleep, I need to make sure that I eat reasonably well and drink lots of water before and during these family marathons.
Manage stress.
Praying is part of this, as is downtime, sleep, and eating well. I also use essential oils to combat stress. Serenity and Balance are my favorite right now. Another part of managing stress is training my mind to not dwell on negative things.
If I do all of the above, I am able to enjoy my people. When I get bogged down in details and stressed out and cranky, too much of my focus is inward, and it’s hard to simply enjoy the days.
My husband and I have both lost grandparents in the recent past and it makes me all the more determined to enjoy my relatives for each moment I have with them. The truth is we are blessed beyond belief to have them all wanting to spend time with us!
I might save bookmark this post to read again in November : )
Note: Shari’s Berries sent me these treats, but the opinions in this post are my own.
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