I believe that God is sovereign. He is king.
I believe that God formed me. He knows my name.
I believe Jesus is Messiah. He is coming again.
Yes, I believe all scripture is God-breathed.
And yet.
In the early hours when I am left alone with my thoughts, I ramble around my brain like an old familiar house and old friends call to me from the forgotten dusty corners of my mind.
I am useless.
Ugly.
Unlovable.
I know the scriptures. I am His workmanship. I am created in His image. I am so loved that He sent His only Son to die for me. Yet I continue to dwell in the secret passageways where these things are not true. In the hidden hallways, where no one can see me, I listen to the old voices. And I cry.
Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief!
Angela,
I can so relate with you. At times like those, I learned that God does really infuse my thoughts when I really need Him to. I also have learned to “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, Brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” Phil. 4:6-9
As I have come through difficult times in the past, I have come to realize that God was using my pain to develop my character. I learned to be thankful, which started with expressing thanks for what I should be thankful for, even if I didn’t feel thankful, and that gratitude grew.
He recently brought the enlightened idea to me through study that His peace, His perfect peace, is attained through prayer, supplication and THANKSGIVING! And that that perfect peace GUARDS my heart and MY MIND.
I hope this finds you renewed and that God uses my words and my personal experience to lift you. Praying with you, Friend.
In Christ’s Unfailing Love,
Tish ???
When you are in the pits, God is there with you! You will find your way again – I just know it and I think you know it as well. I have been reading you for quite some time and it’s quite evident of your belief in God. I’m sure this period of doubt, unbelief will wash away and the sun will come out tomorrow – or maybe the next.
Yes. This struggle sounds so familiar. I’m sure it’s all the more poignant when you’re dealing with serious health issues. Sometimes we can experience the deepest flow of the Spirit when we’re truly in the valleys, though. Maybe we don’t get to realize it until much later, though.
I’ll pray for you.
.-= Hannah´s last blog ..To Run- Perchance to Dream =-.
Wondered who that was slipping in and out of the shadows behind me. Nice to know we’re not alone, even in these dark, cobwebby corridors – couldn’t ask for better company, Ang. Just keep your eyes open – the Light is there if we look for Him. Like Dori says, “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.”
Thanks for expressing your heart – not too many would be so brave. Maybe you’re the one carrying the Light and you just don’t realize it because you’re holding it up so high….
Becky
.-= Becky D´s last blog ..Missing the Mark =-.
To keep our value hidden from us is Satan’s perfect plan.
Then we will run our lives from the sidelines, as we are unfit for the game.
God has mapped out your game, baby.
Your hands grab the ball, the goal clearly in site.
Touchdown after touchdown.
Ear-splitting grins.
Breath sucking laughter as you double up in the end zone–freely happy at the choreography of it all.
You are the star of your game–
No one else will do.
amen.
.-= Darlene @ WorthWalkingToward´s last blog ..My little monsters =-.
“Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief!”
He hears, and He will!
.-= ali @ an ordinary mom´s last blog ..A Quick Friday List =-.
Angela, I’m a stay at home mom, and I was browsing ‘mommy’ stuff. I stumbled upon your blog, and I just wanted to say that in the 15 minutes of reading your thoughts, I’ve giggled and cried, giggled and cried just as if I were pregnant all over again! (My husband never understood the laughing-and-crying-at-the-same-time-thing!!)
Anyway…I’ll be following you! You are a breath of fresh air. Being a military wife, moving, being away from family, losing good friends, and the struggle of finding new ‘good’ friends is sometimes a lonely place to be, ESPECIALLY as a mom. Finding this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time!!!!