Note: This post first appeared in 2011. Now that I’ve done retreats with both of my girls, I’ve updated it and turned it into a four part series. Visit the rest of the series for: Preparing for the retreat, 8 tips for getting the most out of the retreat, and what to do when you get home.
What is a Purity Retreat?
I first heard the idea of planning a mother-daughter, or father-son purity retreat at a homeschool convention in 2010, and I knew right away it was something I wanted to do with my girls.
A purity retreat is a one-on-one weekend away with your child to have “the talk” (you know that talk), to learn about God’s standard for purity and marriage, and set boundaries for future relationships. Of course, that is just part of it. The other part is awesome fun and bonding time with your girl! Please note that all of the following applies to boys as well. There is a father-son option in the same kit!
Why a Purity Retreat?
I heard about this option a few years ago at a homeschool convention and I will be forever grateful that I did. There are so many things covered in this particular kit that I never would have thought to discuss with my girls, and I really love the point of view the teachers have. We could have had a fun bonding trip anytime, but this was different.
When I was in High School, True Love Waits had just started becoming a thing. I think our youth group went through that program just after I graduated, which would be right around the time I was pregnant with my daughter.
So, yeah, I was definitely looking for some guidance in this area. I wanted to know how to approach all of this beyond saying, “Don’t do what I did.”
And I never knew when to start that conversation. I didn’t want to do it too early and ruin their innocence, but I also didn’t want to wait too long. The suggested age of 12 ended up being perfect for this.
If you have younger kids, The Princess and the Kiss and the Squire and the Scroll are fabulous, age appropriate books to read. We started talking about saving our kisses for our husbands when my youngest was 6!
Materials Needed for Your Purity Retreat
Essential for this particular retreat is the Passport2Purity® Getaway Kit. You can use this with all of your children, just purchasing a new journal for each one.
What I love most about these CD’s is that all the work is done for you! You don’t need to decide which subjects you’ll cover, and you don’t need to worry that you’ll leave out something important during the talks. Dennis and Barbara Rainey cover it all. And, yes, we found ourselves blushing a few times listening to them! This is the same set that works for dads and boys, too. No need to buy two separate sets.
The CD’s are geared towards 12 year olds, but I went with my 14 year old and we thoroughly enjoyed each lesson. I hadn’t heard about it until she was that age, so we made it work for us. With my second daughter, we went when she turned 12. If you have the opportunity, I would recommend going with your 12 year old. Don’t let her age hold you back, though, if she’s older. It’s never too late! Some of the lessons might be on the young side, but you can just go into further depth if needed.
In addition to the CD’s, you’ll receive a workbook for your girl, a parent’s guide, a passport, and stickers. The parent’s guide is invaluable. It includes checklists for materials you’ll need, suggestions for fun times, and great insight for Mom. The passport you fill in with stickers as you complete the lessons.
You can use this kit for each of your kids, and you’ll only need to purchase a new travel journal each time.
Should You Upgrade to Version 3?
I used the original version of Passport to Purity when I took my first daughter, Coco on her retreat. After reading lots of reviews and praying about it, I decided to purchase the updated version of the Passport to Purity when I took my second retreat with Soleil. I don’t exactly remember the content of the old version, but I do know that the most recent version has added a great deal of content, including info on p*rn*graphy, s*xting, and things along those lines.
Side note: If you’ve ever wondered why bloggers try to disguise certain words like I did above, it is to reduce spam. We’ll see if it does the trick!
If you have the original version, and can’t afford to upgrade, it will certainly do the job.
Optional Sessions
The new version includes some additional topics that are not included in the workbook and are considered optional. There is one session just for girls and several are included just for boys.
When I took the retreat the second time, using version 3, I had decided not to cover the additional topics, but after praying and listening to the CD, I decided to listen to a portion of the optional session with Soleil and I paraphrased the rest on my own. You know what your children are ready for and what they may or may not need to hear about. That being said, be open to what the Holy Spirit may be leading you to do.
In the end, I feel I was able to sufficiently warn and guide Soleil as to some of the dangers out there, while also keeping her innocence. The sad fact is, it is impossible to completely shelter our kids these days and I’d rather be the one to explain things than have her hear it from a friend or see it online. I am truly thankful for this resource to guide me in discussing these things with her!
Have you considered a purity retreat with your son or daughter?
Next up, Preparing for the Retreat.
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Cindy says
Fantastic post with a wonderful idea! Thank you!!
brandy says
beatiful! My daughter is only 8, but in the past weeks I have come to realize that the time is slowly approaching and have been beside myself praying for God to help me through this to give me the words to say and to show me when the right time is. God has answered that prayer! I actually cried reading your post realizing this, and just because this is a beatiful idea. This subject is close to my heart and I want the same for my daughters. When the time comes I will God willing, be using this idea and curriculum for myself. Thanks for sharing your beatiful story. I will also be praying that it all works out for your daughter, It is never to late to pray that God send good christian men into our daughter’s lives. God Bless! ~ Brandy
Homegrown Mom says
Thank you for your prayers, Brandy! I am so happy you’ll be able to share this with your daughters, too 🙂
Angela says
Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for posting this. I had never heard of this but just this morning made a phone call to a friend to talk about this time in our kids’ lives and how best to keep dialogue open and Christ-centered with all the wrong messages coming from music, games, t.v., peers, etc. Can’t wait to do this with my son and my daughters. Also, I think the author, Barbara Rainey, is the same author who wrote a book with her mother called “A Mother’s Legacy” which I have and gave to at least a dozen friends several years ago. If so, I already have confidence this is top quality. Again, may thanks for sharing. We all need to help each other so we can best help our children.
Melissa says
Thank you for writing about this, Angela! I have heard of this, but honestly totally forgot. My oldest daughter will be twelve this year and NOW I have a plan. Thank you! Thank you!
Amber @ Classic Housewife says
Wonderful! I can’t wait to do this with my own daughter!
Merrilee says
I have heard of this idea through the book, Spiritual Milestones. My daughters aren’t quite ready for this (they’re 7, 5, & 3), but it’s something I can envision doing with my daughters one day. (found through 10 Days of HS…)
Stacy says
I did this with L when she turned 13 and it was great… I brought books but I realized soon into it, they would be too much for her so we left it at the talk and all the courting stuff she already knew about. I am so glad we did this and can’t wait to do the same with B but she may be younger as she thinks she knows too much already 😉
Homegrown Mom says
Cool, Stacy! Yeah, we did skip that one “optional” section, too.
misty Wagner says
I LOVE this idea… My daughter was sexually abused prior to us adopting her and now, at 11, she knows more than she maybe should… but still- because it’s a slippery slope (and I never had “the talk”, i just learned through peers, as a child) this sounds like a PERFECT plan!
Homegrown Mom says
Misty, I would definitely do some research and maybe even talk to a trained counselor for guidance before proceeding. Because this program is so firm on what is and is not okay, I would review it first so you have a plan in place on reassuring your daughter that anything that happened to her does not take her purity away in God’s eyes.
I’m sure there’s a way to approach this while honoring God’s standard for purity and yet not bringing up feelings of guilt or shame for your daughter, but it would be wise to give it some thought beforehand so you’re prepared for those moments. I’ve worked with girls who have been abused and I know shame is a very common feeling, so I just wanted to put that out there for anyone reading this!
a florida dad says
moms and dads! i have two daughters, 18 and 16, both I believe have been sexually active. both have smoked marijuana. both still in spite of this- have very tender hearts.
please suggestions on how their mother and myself can still have a tender talk about ‘purity’- how does a parent have this conversation– when their young teenage daughter or son- have already been sexually active?
any books to read? please suggestions.
a florida dad.
Angela says
A Florida Dad, Wow I am soooo sorry I only just saw this comment!
A wonderful book I can suggest is The Bride Wore White, Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh. She too was sexually active before marriage and shares her story of how she changed her standards and met a godly man.
Sorry again for how late this repsonse is!
Diana says
This is getting a bit more suvticjebe, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of neighbors will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune Social is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
cialais says
You’ve impressed us all with that posting!
Baby Samples Mom says
What a great idea! I’m dreading the day I need to have “the talk” with my oldest…this seems like an excellent way to avoid an awkward conversation. Plus, who doesn’t love a retreat?
Erica says
Thank you for the insightful post. I have four girls, and this subject has been on my mind and heart lately. Why did you pick the age of 12? How do you know she is ready for this? Has anyone else done a different age?
Homegrown Mom says
During the discussions, they repeatedly refer to 12 year olds. Also, some of it was supposed to be heard before girls start going through body changes. I think every girl is different, and you know your own kids best. Maybe when they start showing physical signs of getting ready to start their cycle, or if they seem to be asking lots of questions!
Jazzmin says
Hello!! I have a question. I am a student leader at my school and I am planning a purity retreat for males and females. We are highschool students so this program is too young for our age group. Do you have any ideas?
Homeschool101 says
Thank you for sharing this post. I was considering this exact curric and wanted to be sure it was well worth the buy. My husband and I was in Tn celebrating our anniversary when we came across some shirts and rings that highly drew me in. We came home and all we have done is research and research and pray about what to do and when. Thanks for sharing and encouraging words. Blessings.
Janae says
I know I’m late to join the conversation, but I love this series! This concept is great. I’m wondering however, what to do with my family. We have two sets of twin girls. Do I try to find a way to make it one on one or would some of it be appropriate to share with their twin? I’m thinking maybe a two-night stay, Friday with one & Saturday with the other, using the day on Saturday as a together time to discuss some issues that aren’t too personal. I guess I’ll have to check out the book and see what would work. Just thinking how to make it “fair” in their eyes!
Diana says
I am taking my daughter through the P2P this weekend… Looking forward to the special time and memories that this will bring. I, too, have twins and am planning on doing each girls separately. It is fair and the best, in my opinion, as they bond with me differently.
Dion Ross says
I will soon be having a weekend with my daughter, but I feel it heavy on my heart to invite her BFF along.She is being raised by her grandpa & stepgrandma (she is not emotionaly close to her and the grandparents do not attend church, but Stacy has been going with us for 3 yrs now). I know they will let her attend but I’m wondering how this would work out for two girls together. Will the bonding still be strong with my own daughter? I am hoping to bond more with Stacy as well (she’s told my daughter several times that she wishes we would adopt her)I just want it to all go well. any insight would be helpful. Thanks!
christy says
I realize this is an old post but I stumbled on it while getting my passport to purity items and figured I could use all the support and encouragement I could get. 🙂 I have booked a hotel right on the beach (our favorite spot) and am getting nervous/excited about our nights away. I know my daughter (almost 13) is ready but whew! It’s tearing at my heart that shes even old enough to talk about these things. I have been talking to both my girls about modesty, courting and their bodies in regards to marriage since they were little but this is the final big step. We are close so I trust we will communicate well and enjoy our time….just trying to still my nerves. LOTS of prayer! Thanks for your post, I took notes. 🙂
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